SOL #9 In my Car

Some days I sit in my car

Quiet and still

Because the world has been too much.

Some days I sit in my car

In reflection

Of moments occurring in the past.

Some days I sit in my car

Listening to calm, and enjoying the pitter patter of rain.

Some days I sit in my car

With frustration of the day

And hope of tomorrow.

Sometimes I sit in my car

Because I just can’t move any longer.

Some days I sit in my car

Chatting with friends and family

Over invisible telephone Wires.

Some days I sit in my car

Making a list of to-dos,

using up seconds of don’ts.

Some days I sit in my car

For split seconds of me.

And sometimes I sit in my car

Writing poems about sitting in my car

with only me.

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SOL #7 Out for the Count

Annoyed, I wake up and poke at the STOP of my alarm, “tweet tweet tweet.” Honestly, it’d be annoying no matter what sound it is and I’ve got about nine more sounds to go through.

I’m just so tired. I sink back in with borrowed time, “snooze” sleep.

This isn’t real sleep, its the sleep with anticipation, no, dread, that another alarm will remind me my time now belongs to today. It’s not mine.

I look around at my sleeping family all crammed into one bed. Kitties by my fiance’s head, dog sprawled across my feet.

Cheering me on with their purrs and snores, they’re all in my corner, but I’m out for the count.

After all, I do have a few more alarms left.

SOL #4 I Wish You Were MY Mom

Catching up,
spilling of guts,
personal feelings wrapped in strings
tied tightly around these words.

Here we go again, too caught up in moments and not enough work. But then again, aren’t we always working too much? Staying too late? Giving up too much?

It’s okay to sit here for a while and chat.
So we do.

We unfold umbrella life topics and fantasize about end of the rainbow goals, like being a mom.

“God, I can’t wait to be a mom,” I gush. Half whisper, half dreamy-eyed, far off stare; a part of me already living it in my mind’s eye.
“It’s my biggest dream,” I confess.

“Oh my gosh!” She gasps. “You’re going to be the best mom. I seriously can’t wait!”

“Really?! You really think so?!” I reply back, bursting with excitement.

“YESSS!! I mean I know it’s far off and all, but, man…” she trails off,
“This is going to sound weird, like the weirdest thing compliment I’ve probably ever given, but…I WISH YOU WERE MY MOM!”

I haven’t received a better compliment than this one.
I haven’t found a better friend than her.

#SOL 3 Sitting Up at 3

I sprang up out of sleep and got a curious look from my dog.

What is it!? His eyes asked.

“CRAP!” I hissed back and warm waves of guilt slammed into me and repeatedly washed over my body.

I shook my head in disbelief. I had done it, or rather, not done it again!

After how many years now?! 3!? Last year I said, “It will happen next year for sure.”

This year I said, “Definitely!”

But here I am, sitting up at 3 am, sick as a dog, without a yesterday blog.

March isn’t my month. And there’s that high-expectation, disappointment one only feels when you let them down; there I go letting me down again, the highest expectation police I know.

Maybe next year will be the year I’ll get that extra day. Maybe next year I’ll get the 30 AND the 1 I always miss. Maybe next year.

For now I say a silent prayer, I’ll probably forget.

When the next March happens, add a little more health for me, and a lot less forget.

SOL #30 The Masterpiece

“Joe, put your drawings,” I instructed my student from across the room.

“You mean masterpieces,” he shot back confidently.

I rolled my eyes. 

“Okay, put your -air quotes- masterpieces away,” I replied with a half smile, half smirk.

What would later ensue would be a “deal” of some sorts, bartering for Tiger Tickets, a hot currency at our school, hoping for money or a chance to peek at my Pokemon Go account.

The deal was settled. Not just telling, but observing with his own eyes, my  Pokemon Go team and collection for a “masterpiece”. We even shook on it. 

A day later, we were both disappointed when realization that my Pokemon Go account, shared with my Fiance, had been deleted. 

I let him know the bad news. His eyes went up and to the side, like they do even he really thinks. 

Finally he said, “This one’s on the house.”


Hahaha!!! This IS a masterpiece. And it WILL BE FRAMED.

It’s times like these that I wouldn’t trade my job for the world. 🌎 🍎😂

SOL #28 I AM PROBLEM SOLVER

I am problem solver
I am march through the halls problem solver

I am problem solver
I am tough as nails problem solver

I am problem solver
I am knees deep in issues problem solver

I am problem solver
I am up to my eyes in defiance problem solver

I am problem solver
I am Don’t let them get you down! problem solver

I am problem solver
I am speak up, use your voice problem solver

I am problem solver
I am passion-ignited problem solver

I am problem solver
I am do not settle for less problem solver

I am problem solver
I am stand strong, sturdy soul problem solver

I am problem solver
I am queen of NO problem solver

I am problem solver
I am bend the rules, make it work, flexible problem solver

I am problem solver
I am grind your teeth, get ready for the fight problem solver

I am problem solver
I am tears don’t hold me back problem solver

I am problem solver
I am beyond the box, mind-stretching problem solver

I am problem solver
I am heart-to-heart, care about you problem solver

I am problem solver
Because

I

SOLVE

THE PROBLEMS

SOL #26 Surprise Envelope…or Two

 

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In the midst of packing… surrounded by boxes, picture frames, medicine bottles, shelves, dog toys, I discovered a few treasures. Some old notes from students, a couple of tickets from a Regina Spektor concert, and a bag of envelopes.

I looked down, and smiled, all giddy-like and read aloud, “Open when you’re stressed.”

That certainly describes me now…report cards and grades due, Parent/Teacher Conferences, and moving to a new place all in one week! I eagerly ripped open the envelope and removed the contents.

Moments later, spilled on the floor were an inscribed note from a friend reminding me that it’ll be okay, some bubble wrap, and a button that reads, “I got 99 problems but they can wait until tomorrow.”

Within seconds the button was reflecting light off my chest.

 

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And then I reached for the “Open when you’re happy! :)” envelope.

With even more speed than the first envelope, I tore open the letter case and peeked inside. I slipped the prizes on my feet and obeyed the command to “Happy Dance”.

My feet read “HAPPY”, my mind read “HAPPY”.

And, although this is a most stressful time, it’s such a happy one! I’m so excited and am charging full speed into the face of change.FullSizeRender (2).jpg

I’m just so lucky to have friends like this to be there for me when they’re not even here. Thank you, Jill!
Even though I was almost too patient in waiting to open these little prize envelopes and in by doing so, forgot of their existence, these little surprises made this moment so special to me. I love you!

SOL #25 Home

It’s funny how a house becomes a home.
How spaces are filled with things 
and moments
and love.

And, as I pack away my belongings, looking to a brighter future for my fiance and I, I can’t help but feel a sadness for what I’m leaving behind.

Like how Pudge, my French Bulldog, can’t walk down the stairs because they’re too steep, so we have to carry him.
Or how my cats tight-rope walk across the balcony, even though it’s a little shaky.
How about when we used to bump our heads because of the slanted ceilings, but now, somehow, our bodies have adapted and bending my head ever so slightly becomes a natural movement without a thought.
I know I’ll miss the way my future mother-in-law goes out of her way to fill the house with bacon smells on the weekend mornings and laundry fumes by before the next week begins.
I can’t imagine not stealing a hug from my niece any time I please.
It pains me to think about my fiance not being in the same room as me when I’m sleeping…because he’s videogaming all night.
Sitting on the couch with the reminder -and smell- of coffee nearby.

There are so many things, moments, memories we have created in this place. I’m so grateful for this fraction of our lives; I will certainly miss it.

But even more than that, I know that we’re ready for the next fraction, a stepping stone, into a new place that will become our home 
filled with things,
and moments,
and love.

SOL #23 Voice

Today I faced many challenges, both personal and professional.

This year I face many challenges, both personal and professional.

I swallowed in the hard air

held it

and huffed out the rest.

“Voiiiicccceeeeee,” said the air.

“Yes,” said my heart.

“I see it,” said my eyes.

“All right,” said my fists.

“On our way,” said my feet.

“Let’s do this,” said my mind.

And we did.