Loving Changes

I looked down.
“I just didn’t expect this change,” I admit to my husband as he lies on the multicolored rug next to me.
I give a forced side-smile and try to shrug it off, blinking back the surge of emotions.
Laying on his back now he looks up at me, sitting cross-legged next to him. He tries to make words appear, but his lips get tight and his eyes red and full.
He starts again, hands near, ready to catch any water that might escape his eyes.
“I just don’t want you to feel badly,” he manages to whisper, fighting against his tightening throat. “You’re having a baby and you’re my wife and thats beautiful. And all these changes are beautiful too.”
And yet the little droplets come. They streak downward and splash onto his hands
— But they are not his, they are mine.
June 2019
For my loving husband, Zack Anderson

SOL #25 Home

It’s funny how a house becomes a home.
How spaces are filled with things 
and moments
and love.

And, as I pack away my belongings, looking to a brighter future for my fiance and I, I can’t help but feel a sadness for what I’m leaving behind.

Like how Pudge, my French Bulldog, can’t walk down the stairs because they’re too steep, so we have to carry him.
Or how my cats tight-rope walk across the balcony, even though it’s a little shaky.
How about when we used to bump our heads because of the slanted ceilings, but now, somehow, our bodies have adapted and bending my head ever so slightly becomes a natural movement without a thought.
I know I’ll miss the way my future mother-in-law goes out of her way to fill the house with bacon smells on the weekend mornings and laundry fumes by before the next week begins.
I can’t imagine not stealing a hug from my niece any time I please.
It pains me to think about my fiance not being in the same room as me when I’m sleeping…because he’s videogaming all night.
Sitting on the couch with the reminder -and smell- of coffee nearby.

There are so many things, moments, memories we have created in this place. I’m so grateful for this fraction of our lives; I will certainly miss it.

But even more than that, I know that we’re ready for the next fraction, a stepping stone, into a new place that will become our home 
filled with things,
and moments,
and love.

SOL #12 Our Home

I saw it in your eyes.

Our almost home. When we opened up the doorway and let the sunlight leak in onto the hardwood floors. We were there, just moments away from everything we’ve wanted for a decade.

I jumped at the opportunity. I grabbed your hand and saw that sparkle in your eyes. I knew we were there.

I held it in. That burst of, “Oh my god. It’s going to happen.”

It might. It just might. If not today, then tomorrow.

And, when it does, I’m going to put that moment in my heart. It’ll stay there for eternity.

SOL #11 Our Didn’t Do Day

Today we didn’t shower.

We didn’t get out of bed before eleven.

We didn’t drive our cars.

We didn’t go outside, except to let our dog go potty.

We didn’t wash our clothes.

We didn’t vacuum the floors.

We didn’t clean the litter box-sorry kitties!

We didn’t do the chores.

We didn’t do our work or prepare for the week ahead.

Today, we just didn’t. And it was perfect spending my didn’t do day with you.

My Vision Board 2016


My Very Vision Board 2016

There are many visions I have for my future, some goals are for this upcoming year, while others are life-long goals.

To begin with, one short-term goal I have is to have my room to be a poop free zone. I’ve been training my french bulldog puppy to go potty outside. He has been mostly successful, except for during the night when he ventures out of bed. He does his deed on the pee pads we have, but the ultimate goal is for him to hold his business until we wake up and can take him out. The sad, heart-wrenching thing about this is that our baby is our cuddle buddy during the night, but if he continues to go without permission, we will have to crate train him for a bit. -siiigh- Hopefully he learns before the crate comes in; if not, he’ll have to get use to the crate for a while.

Another thing I’d LOVE is to ride in a hot air balloon. They’ve always captivated me. It would be lovely to see the world from another view. Just something I’ve always wanted. The balloon also represents a tattoo I’d like to get. I would like to get many tattoos, small and delicate, but meaningful. Those will come in time and mostly after my wedding, I hope.

This year I would like to make healthier choices, starting with working out and yoga. I’ve always loved yoga/meditation because it brings me inner peace and comfort. I also enjoy working out and the benefits, although I prefer sports to help get me fit. My goal is to participate in yoga/meditation more often and to workout (hopefully with sports) regularly. I want to create a routine and stick to it!

As I have mentioned previously, this year I will be co-teaching. My dream is that we will not only get along, but grow together, learn together, and teach and inspire children together as well, hence the two figures putting puzzle pieces together. Key word: together.

I will be my school’s PBIS Universal Coach this year along with one of my colleagues. My hope is to succeed in helping my classroom and my school reflect more positivity, mostly via behavior. It is my favorite to go out of my way to point out a student in the hallway and reward them for their good behavior, especially when they least expect it. I teach all my students the meaning of integrity; every student that demonstrates this should be rewarded at some point in their lives. I hope I can help all students lead a better path of positive behavior.

Wow! I’m beginning to notice I have a lot of goals. I guess, in the very least, this vision board has helped me come to this realization. Yet another goal of mine, in hopefull the very near future, is to get a place of our own. Just me, my fiance, my dog, and cats. Ahhhh, the life. What I’d really adore is a 1 bedroom apartment with either lots of windows and/or a balcony. I love the sun and would be thrilled to have a place of our own with sunshine included.

To go along with my last goal, I’d like to spend more time with my fiancé, dog, and cats. I am embarking on a journey with the 40 Hour Teacher Workweek Club in hopes that leaving at 4:30 at the latest will become a reality. A note to my fiancé: Zack, thanks for sticking by me and supporting me these past two crazy beginning years of teaching. I couldn’t have done it without you; you are my foundation. I love you! Let’s look forward to more time together in the future! ❤

My wedding was originally planned for 2017 (not in detail, don’t fret!), but we are moving it back to 2018. Simply put, we just don’t have the funds! Unlike many folks out there, my parents and my fiance’s parents are not capable of supporting us, so, as it has always been for me, we must support ourselves. My dear, dear friends, weddings are expensive! I could cut things here and there, but it still wouldn’t be enough; therefore, I have decided that we will push back the date and save. For the only wedding of my life (since I love Zack more than anything in the world), I’d like to make it rememberable for both of us and give us both the wedding we deserve. At the same time, I am keeping in mind that I must be level-headed and I remind myself that it’s only one day, it is OUR day and I’d like it to be everything we want and more (within price range). So my goal is to save up to 10,000 dollars… CHA CHING! Here goes nothing! 🙂

In the distant future, hopefully it will fall in succession with my marriage, I want to be pregnant and have kids more than anything in the world. I have always dreamed of being a mom; this is my one ultimate goal and dream in life. I live for kids and would do anything to raise some of my own, with my Zachary, of course.

Assertion: this one is overwhelmingly important to me and very near to my heart. Many times I have admitted to being non-confrontational and emotional, but I have also found, very recently in fact, that people abuse this knowledge. These people I have trusted with my weaknesses, displayed them on my sleeve, have used them against me, whether intentionally or unintentionally is another matter. Anyway, I’m tired of the sh*t, pardon my french. I still believe there is value in my non-confrontational ways because unlike others that are quick to act or quick to burn flesh with their tongue, I think through my thoughts, pick my battles, and then fight the good fight; this being said, I am going to be just as fierce and assertive as I tell my students to be. We teach C.A.R.E.S. in my school, which includes cooperation, assertion, responsibility, empathy, and self-control. Assertion is my weakness. I tell my students, “Well, if Student A doesn’t know she is hurting your feelings, you should say something!” or “Stand up for yourself and tell them you don’t like it when they laugh at you.” Now it is my turn to learn. The adult world is a much crueler and less forgiving place, but so be it. Slowly, but surely, I have become more assertive and my goal is to continue on this journey without forgetting to think through my thoughts, pick my battles, and fight the good fight.

And now I apologize for that bit of a ramble. 😛

Finally, my last vision on my board is to write more. When I was younger and more naive I use to write more, and now I am still getting back into the writing groove (see previous post on “My Writing Journey” for more details). I want this writing journey to continue and expand exponentially. It’s a beautiful outlet, a wonderful source of information, and a lovely foundation for friendship. I hope this writing life continues until the last of my days in whatever form it may be.

I hope I haven’t shared too much of my vision with you. 🙂

SOL #28 J.Lo did NOT have it easy!

She didn’t! I mean, I’m baffled!

I’ve spent the majority of today -and when I say majority, I mean hours upon hours-searching and researching wedding venues. My eyes feel dead. I feel exhausted. Annnd I’ve missed most of the sunlight today because I was SO determined to get these wedding things done!

Bah. She’s got it hard in the Wedding Planner! What work! And I’ve only just begun!!! YIKES!

J. Lo the Wedding Planner.jpg

I might just have to quit my job and become a full-time wedding planner -at least it seems like that’s what it’s going to take!

So toodle-oo for tonight!

I’m hitting the hay with much accomplished, but exhausted eyes.

SOL #25 Let’s give It a Try

Today I’m posting past the deadline, but hey for me, it’s still March 25th.

Besides, I tried on wedding dresses today for the first time ever!!

It was a lot of fun, and also a lot of hassle…getting the dresses on and off, but mostly because I swimming in all of them!

They were all at least two sizes too big!

Some looked really great on and had potential, but it even the really beautiful ones needed to be tried on in MUCH smaller sizes to get the effect.

For my first wedding-dress-trying-on session, I think it went pretty successfully.

My mom and two sisters were there too, which made it all the more memorable, of course. I love them guys.

Mom and Me Trying on Wedding Dresses.jpg

No worries, this is NOT the dress! I still have to choose one! 😛

SOL #20 Marrying is a Tough Job

Yes, I’m young, 23 to be precise. Yes, I’m getting married..and it seems TOO soon for a recent graduate and a teacher, since both of these equate to low income …but I’m in love and am dying to be married. I always have been. ❤

My fiancé and I have been together for over five and a half years and have been in love since the day we met, 10 years ago. Marriage and a wedding was always in the cards for us.

So now, we’re finally engaged and preparing to get married anddddd…
I am fffffreaaakkinggg outt!!

Planning a wedding is SO much work and a lot of money! I don’t know where to begin, well, I do…but I don’t, really. 😦

I have a wedding planning binder, hooked on every sight, have sent emails to potential venues, photographers, bakers…yikes!

It is easy to say I am STRESSED OUT.

The date is for October 2017, hopefully October 7, 2017…and it’s creeping up slowly on us, along with all the wedding questions from friends and relatives.

If you have any advice for this tense, teaching to-be bride, that would be very much appreciated!


deep breaths. deep breaths. deep breaths.